Making Do

Today was almost warm. The house never warmed up, but once the sun came up and burned off the frost, it was pleasant outdoors.

I was glad I got dressed right away this morning. Sometimes I enjoy the luxury of staying in my pajamas to drink my coffee and do the milking. This morning a delivery man arrived at the door before eight o'clock with a brand new dishwasher. Thank you, you people, you know who you are! Shortly after, a neighbor came to pick up some pork liver and milk.

I had to take the boys over to a friend's house for the afternoon to do some work and some play and made a dreaded trip. To Walmart.

Sometime ago I dropped Wal Mart and Sam's. My shopping habits changed and so did my philosophy. HOWEVER, it was convenient having a husband with slightly less serious convictions about said stores. Every once in awhile we would need one thing or another that would be seriously cheaper at those stores. Like labels and fly tape and toilet paper. Going into those stores makes me depressed and irritated. It was wonderful leaving those horrible tasks to Philip.

Well, the warm spring weather brought a generous supply of flies and I was driven in desperation to the big WM to seek out non-toxic ways to deal with the dread of flies. Fly tape, underwear, shampoo, chewing gum, cat food. A clerk smiled at me and offered her help. I didn't need any, but was grateful for the offer, because there have been worse Wal Mart experiences.

Not having Philip means so many things in my life. I have to change the light bulbs, or ask the kids to do it. I bought a big box of the energy efficient light bulbs and realized I got the wrong size. Oh well. I couldn't open a bottle. 9 weeks ago I would have asked him to do it for me. I don't have a man-voice to talk to at night. Just the kids. (actually, Thomas and Patrick surprise me at times, when I hear them in the other room, I think Philip is speaking, they are developing such deep voices.) I miss his perspective. I miss disagreeing with him. We had a great deal of fun, disagreeing with each other. From theology to politics to literature, we shared many varying views. Now that he is in heaven, I imagine he realizes I was right, right?

Cow share people picked up milk and offered hugs. I realized how grateful I am for my job. Grateful that Philip believed in me enough to buy this farm for our family. Jason and his dad came to finish laying the metal to prepare for the concrete pour in the morning to make our new milking area. The ladies arrived for Bible study where we prayed for each other and discussed the love of God for us that is like a father, delighting in his children. Not the father, stern and demanding, never satisfied. But the father who looks at his child and grins with delight. Who looks at his child, sees the weariness or the skinned knee, and takes that child up to comfort and love. I thought about how weary I am, and how imperfectly I am managing things these days. I was grateful to remember the Psalm that David wrote, acknowledging that God knows we are but dust.

By the way, it appears that last night's frost did no major damage. Will it be a good fruit year? We are hopeful. I have been waiting for Mom to come visit at cherry picking time for a very long time. Maybe this will be the year? (Hint, hint)

Off to bed. The alarm is set for dark thirty to launch the market season. Bakery is officially open.