This Thursday was not as bad as previous Thursdays.
Maybe because there was a great deal of activity. Washing clothes, hanging them on the line, working some in the garden, getting the boys to plant more potatoes, onions, carrots, radishes, spinach and lettuce. Had to go to town and take care of business, paperwork, go to the library. Came home to a flurry of farm visitors, friends learning the ropes to help manage chores, farm customers, Bible study ladies.
We held our group meeting out on the front porch. The warm sun felt great on bare arms. As the sun went down, we shivered, but shared concerns, vulnerabilities, and prayed with one another, in awe at the way God designed us to be in relationship with one another.
I cried a bit as I ran errands alone. No wailing. But I do notice that I allow myself to feel a lot more deeply when alone. I miss Philip and his absence is so huge, it is surreal. I wish I could share parenting responsibilities with him and feel a bit afraid to manage the kids without his insight and help. I have been asking my men friends for their thoughts to balance out all the feminine energy. I grew up with two sisters. What to do with these young men in our home?
We eat meals together, but it feels more haphazard without Philip. He was the anchor at the table. I find we are going to have to come up with a new family dynamic that will come with time.
It was a beautiful sight to me as I drove away from the farm, two young men working together, down in the big garden. Brothers united in one vital job, sowing the seeds that will in turn yield our dinners.
Well, nothing spectacular to write. The sun shone today. It warmed our bones, dried the clothes, heated the soil and chased ladies outside to the front porch. Even more leaves unfurled, stretching themselves out after winter's cold grip. Lambs bounced, chickens laid eggs, cows and goats gave milk. I suppose all that is rather spectacular after all.