Tuesday, June 5, 2012

How Can My Little Boy be a Graduate?

On June 1st, Thomas graduated from Alpine High School. 

My mom and dad and sister came to watch him receive his diploma.  Christine asked me if I was happy.

At the moment, there were so many emotions, I elected to not fully feel, since it would have been rather embarrassing to fall apart in the event center.  I was proud, and happy, yes, but so much more.

That night, R and I sat down at the table and I began to cry as he held my hand.  I wept as I told him I wanted to have Thomas be 5 years old again, coming up to me to tell me he loved me and wanted to marry me.  I told him I wished I could have him be little and come climb in my lap for stories.  I sobbed as I let my little boy go, knowing that this rite of passage meant that life as we knew it would not ever be the same.

And with all of that, I was proud, and so full of gratitude, my heart wanted to burst. 

The night before graduation we invited some of our friends over for a cookout.  Mostly friends from our little Episcopal church.  These dear people, kids up to 80 something year old, all joined us for burgers because they love Thomas.  They have been willing to allow Thomas to be himself.  When he got overloaded with all the noise and had to retreat to a corner, unable to talk to anyone, no one was offended. 

We have some amazing folks who have been there for this kid.  And over the years, it has been a joy to see how Thomas has been there for other people.  Like the way he always got his history teacher's jokes.  Like the way he would play peek a boo with our little friend Mec.  The way he would get in the kitchen and chop and cook up the most amazing ramen noodles.  With celery and onions and garlic and mushrooms and cabbage!

I still don't know quite what to do with the idea that Thomas has ended one chapter and is beginning another.  Today we drove to Roswell, NM, to continue getting him ready for the Occupational Services program at ENMU.  It starts in August.  He wished to train in the Food Services dept.  We also met with the orthodontist.   

I guess I have too many other things to worry about, so I s'pose I will choose to be proud and happy for the moment, and when a safe opportunity comes, I will probably have a great big cry. 

No comments: