Can you believe I had another weepy day? Is it the brief cold spell? Grief? After holiday doldrums? I can't believe I am writing about it, because I really don't want people worrying about me. Things aren't so bad.
But I did hurt again. And missed Philip and wished we had an intact family, and wished there were a dad in the house and wished I weren't the only one around to boss around the kids.
So I cleaned house and then spent several hours working on spreadsheet of all Nov-Dec sales in the bakery and filled out quarterly sales tax forms and made two huge pots of turkey stock and cried over the phone with Rachel.
I dug out a package of frozen kamut noodles I had made a few weeks ago and turned turkey stock into turkey noodle soup. What I really wanted was a great big coconut pound cake, but the turkey soup tasted almost as good, and was much better for us.
At some point my weepiness overflowed onto the children as I bemoaned the VERY out of balance chore management. I cried. We fussed a little. I prayed, begging God to help me know how to better manage things. A few more tears were shed, then, just like the comeback kids, our favorite team, the New York Yankees, everyone grasped the concept that we have to work together, and that all the energy I use, repeating myself, telling kids to do this or to do that, or doing it all by myself, was wearing me out, and making me even more sad.
Rose suggested a chore chart. Everyone else agreed.
After table was cleared, dishes were washed, and floor swept, I noticed Rose grabbing pen and paper.
We spent almost an hour, thinking about the different tasks that were necessary to a smooth running household. She wrote down charts and lists and tacked everything up on the fridge. Even the occasional chores had their own chart.
I wished to write out chore charts for everyone, ever since we moved, but with paperwork, meals, laundry, bakery, stories, church, etc, that was one task I had been dreading and unable to accomplish.
Seeing Rose sprawled on the kitchen floor with marker and paper gave me a real boost. She and I brainstormed and I think we came up with a pretty conclusive list.
I know we are far from perfect and way too human. Kids' school schedules are demanding and so is my job. I imagine that even with the best written out chart we might stub our toes occasionally. But the new year seems like a great time for us all to implement some plans that will help us all work together more cohesively.
And that has helped my weepiness diminish significantly.
Please God, help us work together as a family, and to love each other deeply. For each of us to offer our special gifts to the rest of the gang. And thank you that Rose offered her amazing list making gift to us this evening. What a good boost.