Sunday, January 8, 2012

I Wonder as I Wander

The sun shone warmly on my face. My muscles were grateful as the bicycle made its way out of town and toward the mountains. I almost felt like I was back in the country as I greeted the little Mamas and the big Mama cows in the pasture and said hello to horses in pens.


I solved absolutely no problems, but perhaps the exercise and fresh air gave me extra strength and resolve to tackle the tasks of tomorrow.


The weather forecast predicts snow for tonight and in the morning. Hard to believe while riding a bicycle out in the country in 65 degree weather with blue sky shining all around.


But we are in Texas.


PS We had a lovely Epiphany service on Friday, with lessons and carols and of course a terrific reception afterwards. I was happy to be asked to sing an old Appalachian carol, I Wonder as I Wander. The scriptures were meaningful and I decided that it is awfully wonderful to take aside some time after all the feasts and activities and hustle and bustle to concentrate on the sacred. I am thankful to have had some amazing epiphanies during my prayer time as I worked on Friday. I am asking God to persuade me that he loves us all deeply. I know I am loved by God, but the epiphany was that sometimes, deep, deep down, there are occasionally moments when I am not certain. I hate to even write it out or say it out loud, because I truly do believe, with all my head. And most of my heart. And the revelation that there might be even a particle of me, deep down inside that feels unloved because of unfortunate circumstances makes me feel bad, and sad and afraid to be honest.


Oh well. I guess I hope that if I can be honest, that will open up the possibility that the light and truth will reach the hurting places. I believe that it isn't up to me to try to work harder to know that I am loved. I read scriptures. I pray. I think I know how much God loves me.


This morning one of the hymns spoke about being persuaded by God that he loves us.


It really was an epiphany.


I prayed and told my creator how thankful I am how much he loves me, but could he continue to persuade me and my children, to know in the deepest, deepest part of us that he loves us. I want that message woven through every fiber of my being. Not just the superficial churchy places. But all the way down.


And something about the magic of epiphany (forgive my use of the word, but it is magical, this incarnation and revelation) gives me cause to believe that the work is going on, even at this moment as I type.


Thank you God for bicycle rides and scripture and beautiful hymns and pain that draws me deeper in to you.

7 comments:

green investments said...

Sounds like an amzing experience, with tired muscles at the end!

Terri said...

I think the prayer I pray most often is the words from Mark 9:24,
"Lord, I believe...Help my unbelief"

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