When we move to Texas, it will be a bit easier, maybe, because we will go celebrate it with my dad.
But now, it still feels wobbly for us, as we don't quite know what to do with ourselves and all the emotions. Even almost a year and a half past the day of Philip's death.
So today we slept in, with plans of going in the church late. It is kind of hard to think about going to church and seeing all the other kids and dads celebrating, but we were going to go anyway. But then we drove out the driveway and found Diamond, Rose's kitty, dead by the side of the road.
So we turned around. Patrick retrieved her body. Thomas and he set to work, digging a hole underneath the willow tree. The girls got a baby doll blanket to wrap her in.
We wept greatly.
Nora and Maggie picked flowers for the grave. We said a prayer together. We buried Rose's little kitty. We wept greatly, as those of you who have ever grieved before know, little griefs can get all tangled up with bigger griefs.
Diamond was a beautiful barn cat. Rose wanted to bring Diamond with us to Texas. I suggested that if she could domesticate her kitty to house living, I would be happy for Diamond to join us. Diamond was glossy black with a white diamond on her forehead.
As the children took turns gently tossing dirt and rose petals onto the stilled form, I asked them to share their favorite memories. Patrick remembered when Diamond caught and killed a rabbit larger than herself and consumed it ravenously. Rose remembered when she saw Diamond leaf from a fence post and catch a bird in midair. I thanked God for all the mice and moles she caught, protecting our animals' feed supply.
It was completely unexpected.
Strange, but that impromptu funeral gave us a safe place to express our grief over Father's Day, here at home, all together. I prayed that God would especially comfort Rose in the loss of her pet, and her dream of taking Diamond with us to Texas. And that God would comfort each of us, as we learn to navigate things like moves and another Father's Day without a daddy in our home.
I prayed that God would let the kids know how loved they are today, and how He can be their loving father, even though it really isn't the same as having a flesh and blood daddy who can read to you and play with you and teach you and take you places and give you a great big hug.
Then Rose decorated the grave with flowers and Patrick hoisted a big stone for the marker. And we climbed into the Suburban and all the kids went to see a movie and Rose and I went out to lunch and had Thai food.
I will miss seeing glossy Diamond hunt up on the hill behind the stream. And seeing the girls bathe her, and put silly collars on her attempting to train her like in "My Fair Lady."